I WASN'T REALLY THERE

My trip to Africa filled me with fear … for a number of reasons … all wrapped up in the very broad .. fear of the unknown. Unknown culture, unknown people, food, experiences. And yet, for all of my fears, my time in Ethiopia felt other-worldly, but not scary. I was consumed with being a mom …. Keeping them safe and bringing Kenenisa into our family. I would wake up each day and just do the next thing until finally the next thing was getting on the plane to fly home


It was not till I got home and started processing the trip …. Looking at pictures, reading blogs from others who were there with me … that I finally realized … while I was physically present, I did not feel like I had connected with the experience, with the people with the culture, with the need. It felt like I wasn’t really there.  As I talked with my friend, Jennifer, she said that she kept waiting for the emotion to catch up with me, but that it was as if I was in a bubble and all of the need and poverty just bounced off of me.  And then once we got home, my life again has been consumed with being a mom. And parenting Kenen is taking all of my focus at this point.


In contrast, Jennifer, who traveled with us, was there and present in all of the most important ways. She saw the need, she saw the children, she let her heart open to the people and the country of Ethiopia in a way that I still can’t say that I have.  She promised herself that she would not forget ... that she would make sure that it changed her.   And she has kept that promise.

Jennifer and her family have taken the seeds that were planted in her heart and put them into action. They arrived in Ethiopia today and will spend the next 2 weeks serving in my son’s country. I can’t wait to hear about every moment of their trip.

Because I haven’t really been there

… but I know I will some day.

Christmas Day

I had a bit of concern about how Christmas would go for Kenen.  I knew he'd like the gifts, but he has a very high sensitivity to fairness and who has what, and is always concerned when he doesn't have something that someone else has.  So wasn't sure if the morning would fall apart over something the Ethan received that he wanted.  However, he was delightful and got the hang of giving and receiving pretty quickly. 

Here are a few sights and sounds of our Christmas.  The video link is a bit long ... so I only expect family to watch, but if you want to hear Kenen's little voice and his excitement, it's pretty cute.  (I'd edit it if I knew how. :-) )

A new ipod

Viola lessons

Ginormous Lego set

 We have very few still shots of Kenen opening gifts.  Guessing it's because he was a blur, running back and forth all morning.  Hope your Christmas was as joy filled as ours was!

Christmas 2010

We mailed only a handful of Christmas cards this year. So if you missed our hard copy card, here it is in blog form.

ELDER TOP HAPPENINGS IN 2010

*Traveled in July as a family to meet and bring home our son, Kenen David Elder who was born in Ethiopia in August of 2006. He is adjusting well and has brought new energy to our home.  :-)

* Took a side trip to Rome on our way to Ethiopia. Highlight was seeing the Coliseum. Lowlight was our two start hotel and the heat.

* David was gainfully employed for 9 months and took an "unpaid sabbatical" for 3 months. He has been able to be home for some much needed support and bonding time with Kenen. He will begin working again in January.

* The three oldest are doing great in their 3rd, 8th and 10th grade years at school. All are still involved in music and sports which keeps us very busy.

* My sister and her family moved from Tualatin to Houston leaving a great void in all of our lives.

* I stepped back from all volunteer responsibilities to focus on being a full time mom to a preschooler.

* Our family continues to be so grateful to our Emmanuel for being with us and providing in amazing ways all we have needed during this year of tremendous transition and change.

May you and your family know the peace that passes all understanding this season and in the coming year.

The Elder's

Falling in Love

When I met my husband, I definitely was quite taken with him and attracted to him  However, my analytical brain knew that feelings, while nice and important, could not always be trusted ... so I made a decision to choose to love him ... based on his character, shared values, dreams, etc.  Why share this? .... besides giving you a glimpse into my non-emotion driven brain?  

One of my biggest fears when beginning this adoption process was that I would not be able to connect the decision we were making to love this child with my emotions ... with my heart.  Without going into too much detail ... the first 3 1/2 months home with Kenan have been incredibly difficult.  And the love that I have for him has been decision based love ... not emotion based.  This is because living with him has been like being in an extremely unhealthy relationship where you never know which thing you do is going to set him off.  So I've been walking on eggshells ... dreading the next explosion ... counting the hours till bedtime ... trying to survive another day so that I can wake up and do it again.  Yes, there've been laughs, and when he is happy, his smile can light up the room ... but the hard moments followed so closely on the heels of the good ones, that my heart has not had time to open up.

All this to say ... I think we've turned a corner in the last few weeks .... he is learning to trust us more, he's not as combative and explosive ...  tantrums are fewer and smiles and peace are gaining ground.   And the other night as I was tucking him in ... I thought to myself

.... I think I may be falling in love ......

Photo courtesy of Katie Campbell Photography

Monuments of Thankfulness #3

Those Who’ve Gone Before

This one surprises me a bit, but I am seriously so thankful for the internet and the “blogosphere”. I’ve never been much of a trailblazer … I’m more of a “play it safe kind of person”. The families that I have followed on their journeys to their own children have inspired me more than I can describe. They shared their hearts for the orphans in our world, they shared their own fears, and they shared their personal journeys … including homecoming videos that brought me to tears. They gave me a vision of ordinary families stepping out in faith to do an extraordinary thing … to give a loving mother and father to a child who needed a family. So in honor of these people – most of whom I’ve never met – I’ve updated my blogroll with many more blogs that I love and that continue to inspire me. Check some of them out. You will be amazed at the brave, courageous families who are stepping WAY out of their comfort zone to bring a child home to his or her forever family.

I’m also so thankful for my friends who have already adopted that were here locally or who were in the process of adopting at the same time. It helped to be able to sit across the table and hear their stories … the joys and the struggles. What a blessing to continue to have these dear friends in my life as a source of encouragement and wisdom. So thank you to Dana and Eric; Ray and Theresa; Rick and Laurie; Julie; Heather and Aaron; Bonnie; and Clint and Laura for your support.

Monuments of Thankfulness #2

Our Church


The original seeds of “maybe we’ll adopt someday” were planted by our church family and specifically by our pastor for the last 13 years, Ron Kincaid and his courageous family who have adopted 5 children, 4 of those internationally, in addition to their 4 bio kids. Each year, as we would sit through Orphan Sunday presentations…. Tears would roll down my face … seeing the faces of children in need … children who would love to have a family … and knowing in my heart, that we needed to be one of those families to reach out and give a home to one of those kids. We have also been privileged to see so many adoptive families in our church family … that it became somewhat commonplace to see transracial families. This was such an encouragement as we pondered whether we would ever have the courage to take this step. Our church is going through a difficult time right now, so it feels good to be grateful for the blessing of our Sunset family and to Ron and Jorie for being faithful to the call to care for the widow and orphan.  In this way they have modeled and lived out what true religion is.

Monuments of Thankfulness #1

I had the thought of doing a blog post each day of November for something I’m thankful for , but quickly realized the likelihood of me getting on the computer and having some quiet moments to think every day was slim … so I’ve adjusted my plan.


In the Old Testament, God often asks His followers to build monuments after great victories so that they would remember what happened and primarily so that they would remember God’s faithfulness to them. While I realize that I have often spoken and written of how grateful our family is for all of the blessings we have received this past year as we have gone on this journey to bring Kenen home, I thought I would post a few blogs to be very specific in who I’m thanking … not because I want to call people out, but because I want to remember, and I want all of my children, but especially Kenen, to know the many people who were a part of this journey. No individual reached out to our family or helped us in order to get recognition, but rather because they wanted to be a part of what God was doing. Without a doubt, all the glory goes to Him.

Our Family

David and I have amazing families on both sides. From the moment we told them that we were going to adopt another child, we have received nothing but encouragement, enthusiasm and prayers. Each of our parents has prayed for us diligently, and Dave’s folks, since they are close by, have been amazing since we’ve been home. To see them love on Kenen … it is clear that they love him as if they had known him his whole life ... Such a blessing! Our siblings have all been incredibly supportive, as well. Each of Dave’s siblings now has an adopted child, which is pretty cool … including one from Ethiopia. My brother and sister have been so supportive as well. And this support has come from our uncles and aunts and cousins, as well. We are so grateful to God for the extended Elder and Klassen families who have embraced our new son completely. We are so blessed!  

Nana and Kenen