Celebrating

We are celebrating the birthday of my wonderful husband David ... and being home as a family of 6 for 8 months. So just a couple of thoughts on each ....

I wrote an ode to David last year on Facebook ... so I won't repeat myself. I will just say that in what has been one of the most difficult years of our 21 years of marriage, he continues to be a rock of faith and stability. He still makes me laugh ... and I am blessed to have him by my side.

In the midst of the normal ups and downs of daily life with Kenen, I was delighted the other morning when he came downstairs, walked around the corner, and said, "I would like to have a hug." ... which I, of couse happily gave him. It may seem small and ordinary to some .. but this is an event worth celebrating. And I will remember this and acknowledge it as a monument to the progress that is being made ... slowly ... in the healing of his heart, and the bonding of our family.

SPRING BREAK - PART 1

My sister and her family moved to Houston last year, after living about 10 minutes from us for the past 5 years. This left a huge void in our lives .... that was quickly filled by our newest family member. We have missed them terribly, but I, at least, have been busy enough with Kenen to not really be able to dwell on their absence.

Thanks to my generous dad, Jill and her kids were able to come out to visit last week ... and my dad came too. So we had 11 people sleeping under one roof, and a lot of food being made, and a lot of dishes being done, a lot of Wii and Angry Birds being played ... and I'm pretty sure a lot of fun being had. (Though not a lot of pictures being taken.)

It was such a joy to see Ethan with his very best friend, Grace. They both did a great job including Kenen and played with him a lot. I know for this season in their lives, they are supposed to be in Texas, but I also know there are lots of prayers being said, that they will one day return home to Oregon.

Perspective

Today was one of those days ... should have been a good day. My sister and her kids are visiting which is a very happy thing ... kids are home from school which is also happy. But it was just a hard day with Kenen. And I was feeling a little bit sorry for myself ...

Took a break while dinner was cooking to blog surf, and found one that I had bookmarked last year. About a family that was walking through the last days with their 2 year old daughter, Layla Grace.  They now have a foundation that is helping families with children facing cancer.  Spent a few minutes reading their heartbreaking stories.

I needed an attitude adjustment ... am grateful for a chance to start tomorrow with a new perspective.

I'm Taking the Plunge

Even though I'm not Catholic, I've been fascinated for years with Lent and the true meaning of it. Read two great posts this morning that totally convicted me. Every year as Easter sneaks up on me, in the midst of my busy life, I find myself thinking ... shoot, I meant to focus a bit more on preparing for Easter and considering the sacrifice of my Savior.

So I'm going to observe Lent. (And yes, I realize that I'm a day late ... but I'm not terribly legalistic in any area of my life, so this is just me, being consistent.) Truth is if I think of all of the things that I could "give up" ... things that take my focus and time away from God ... things that would give me true pause, and would feel like a true sacrifice ... well, the list is rather long. Watching TV, reading blogs, snacking on unhealthy food ... just to name a few. But I've decided to follow the lead of my good friend, Laura, and give up Facebook. Yikes!

While I certainly don't spend hours on it, I pop on frequently throughout the day. It is my lifeline to the real world as I have been plunged back into the stay-at-home mom world these past 7 months. It is the way I keep up with people whose lives exist outside of my home, and I have told myself that I need it.

But if I'm completely honest with myself ... there are moments when I escape the difficult times with my child, by popping on Facebook ... to see if someone has said something thought provoking or funny .... there are times when I am frustrated with his desire to play with me, when I'd rather be on the computer, checking in with my friends. And it is my habit to run to the computer to check what has happened any time I've been gone for several hours.  All of this will be difficult to give up, but I will also think about what a ridiculously small sacrifice this is each time I sit down at the computer ... when compared to the ultimate sacrifice that was made on the cross.

Making a Joyful Noise

(PAUSE THE MUSIC ON THE PLAYER IN THE SIDE BAR FIRST). This is his favorite song! Not sure what language he's speaking ... and I'm not sure he even knows that there are actual words within the song that he can pronounce and understand. Makes me smile everytime. (btw, the song is Beautiful Things by Gungor).

A Room of His Own

I'm not sure if I actually read this somewhere (though I'm sure it's been written) ... but I would say one of the most important lessons I've learned as an adoptive mom for 7 months is "things don't always work out like you think they will." Yes, I know, I had 3 kids, wouldn't I have learned that already? But I definitely am learning this in a new way since Kenen's been home.

Our original plan when finding out that our new son would be a 4 year old boy was for him to share a room with our 9 year old. Ethan was super excited to be a big brother, and even excited to share (most of) his toys. So we thought this would be perfect. We moved the bunk beds into Ethan's room .. rearranged toys and even sent Kenen a picture of his new room with Ethan on the top bunk and a small picture of Kenen's face on the lower bunk. We were sure this would work out.

Upon arriving home after traveling for a couple of days from Ethiopia ... I panicked at the thought of putting him in a room across the hall.  I was exhausted ... what if he woke up and needed something and I didn't hear him ... what if he got confused or lost in our house. So we picked up the mattress and put it in our room near our bed. I know this was the right choice at the time. He would call out for me at times, and it was nice that I was close enough to be able to answer him without getting out of bed.

Then the reality of Kenen's transition issues hit pretty hard ... and it became clear that perhaps he and Ethan were not going to make the best bunk mates. Kenen is very strong willed and controlling. Ethan was trying to be the good big brother and be kind and accommodating, and he was getting pushed around quite a bit. It became clear that Ethan was going to need a space in the house where he could retreat to .. and play without always having to include Kenen.

So being the flexible person I am .. we started looking at other alternatives, and finally settled on moving the 9 year old and the 15 year old together. They really are the best of buddies, and the teenager does not hang out in his room, so it should work out well.  The combining of rooms and stuff, however, has been difficult and time consuming. For each of them, 6 years of accumulated "stuff" is tough to sort through ... what should be saved, passed down, thrown away ... And trying to do this without a certain 4 year old questioning each thing we pick up has been nearly impossible.

But finally .... after 7 months ... we have the move basically completed.  Ethan slept in the top bunk in Ryan's room last night, and all of his clothes and "stuff" are in Ryan's room ... though not all organized and put in it's place.

And the big news is that tonight Kenenisa will be sleeping in his very own room ... sleeping in a big bed ... with no one else in the room ... something he has never done!

So we'll see how it goes ... and whether he makes it through the night ... I may have a pillow and blanket on my floor just in case.   I'm excited for him ... but I'm even more excited for me ... looking forward to getting uninterrupted sleep for the first time in a long time!!

Six Months ... and still counting

I commented many months ago, that I was looking forward to the day when I would not be aware on a monthly or sometimes even daily basis that Kenen has not always been with us ... looking forward to the day that our new normal would have become so much a part of us that we would wonder where the time has gone, and how we could have ever existed without him ... wondering if I would ever stop counting how many months he has been home.

We are still counting ....

We had our 6 month post-placement review with our social worker a couple of weeks ago, and she was amazed and pleased with all of the progress that he has made since she was with us 3 months ago.  This was good to hear ... and good to be reminded of the many things that have improved.  However, 3 months ago, things were more difficult that we could have imagined.  So things are better ... but I am still aware of the very long road we have ahead of us. 

After 6 months:

* He speaks English extremely well. Still confuses words on occassion, and asks "what's that" a lot, but he definitely speaks clearly, in full sentences and understands most of what we say (when he wants to.)

* He likes to hear himself talk, and when it is just the 2 of us home during the week, he talks and asks questions non-stop. I have to say "no more questions" ... often, as he repeats the same thing over and over.

* He has 2 friends in our neighborhood that he plays with. Even was invited to play at Cassidy's house. And invited to Enzo's birthday party. He knows what a friend is, and asks to play with them almost every day.

* He does not play well without me sitting right next to him, interacting with him. This makes it very difficult to get anything done during the week while everyone is gone. So I am working hard to teach him that his job is to play, and that Mommy has other jobs to do in the house. Though, of course, I do play with him ... often.

* He is still not eating a real variety of foods. I give him the same thing every day for lunch. 2 tortillas, black beans and sour cream. At dinner, he needs to try to eat what we are having ... though I usually still supplement with a hard boiled egg.

* He has started going to story time every week at the library. He is not shy. Calls out answers even when he doesn't know them.  Though I'd say he is pretty developmentally typical compared to the rest of the group. Funny thing last week, was when kids were asked who wanted to come up and help her make the letter "M" ... he jumped up and down shouting, "me, me, me".  She picked him, he boldly walked up, and then said, "What's "M""? 

* He will start swimming lessons this week. He will not be afraid. I am most concerned that he will decide that he already knows how to swim and will just jump in when the teacher is not looking. He has told me more than once that he knows how to do everything.

* He is still sleeping in our room ... this does not please me ... I just need to get oldest son's room ready to receive middle son as his new roommate.  Then K will have his own room where everything in it will belong to him. I think this will be very good for him. A place to call his own ... and I would like to have my room back.

* He still has trouble expressing his anger in appropriate ways, though this is getting much better. If I say yes to everything, then he is quite happy most of the time. However, that is obviously not a realistic way to live.

* He loves to play games, and does well with the rules most of the time. His favorites are Uno Attack, Candyland, and Sorry.

* He goes to Sunday School at church every week, and loves it. Sits through the grown up service afterwards and surprisingly, does quite well.

* We are visiting the pre-school that I hope he will attend next fall in a few weeks. Mommy is VERY excited for this prospect for him.

* He is still a great sleeper .... thank you, God!

Kenen's personality is intense, energetic and exhausting. We are learning to enjoy him more and more, and continuing to grow in love for him.